Im so tired. I need a new surrounding. As Im blogging this current state of myself, I can clearly feel the air of animosity…. and yet the saying is indeed true that it is too good to be true. Afterall, nothing is permanent. I need a break, I need to get out of here. Im not happy anymore! But then…what measures this happiness that im referring? Is happiness means that I can get everything that I wanted… easily? If that is the case, won’t I be sounding too selfish and self-centered?
I used to feel so blessed. I used to say that Im so lucky to have this and to be finally belong. After more than 2 yrs of being alienated from my family and from myself, this was the first time I would say that I truly love and enjoy the path that I have chosen. Yet, the feeling ended or so it seem. Gosh…I hate it when Im being idealistic and somewhat perfectionist again, it makes me a loser. Wish I can just hold on to what I used to feel and believe…wish I can grasp happiness and steadily place it in a corner of my mind where nobody can take it away nor persuade me to let go of it. But Im so full of hostility right now and everything is closing up on me.
I can’t believe that this day will come and it has come! I don’t know if I can still see the future with so much delight if I still stay. I need to make a choice…to resign from this feeling or do otherwise. Confusion starts to fill.
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